I didn’t realize it was grief I was feeling until I went to a funeral. We had been living separately in our house for months. I had been in a state of unsettled mourning for months. I consciously opened my heart to the grief process, and it was arduous. The persistence, the discipline, the commitment.Continue reading “The Funeral”
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29.
There was a time I call 29. It was roughly years 27-30, but 29 felt special. It felt like a beautiful culmination of the woman I had actively become in my 20s. I felt confident, secure, experienced, and still cute. I felt the chill in the air as I rounded the corner into 30, willinglyContinue reading “29.”
The Golden Rule
I grew up frequently hearing the adage “treat others the way you want to be treated.” The Golden Rule. With a little lived experience and dare I say, wisdom, I realize that this “rule” is flawed. I propose an alternative. How about, “treat yourself the way you want to be treated.” You will inevitably continueContinue reading “The Golden Rule”
Let yourself dream.
Vivian. Her pigtails could not be cuter. She laughs often and it sounds like stars twinkling. Lighting up the sky. ‘Let yourself dream,’ I implore her. I never want her to feel caged. I want her to feel free and open to dreams and fantasies and love languages. Her imagination is wild and open, likeContinue reading “Let yourself dream. “
Back Worts and Chin Hairs
Growing old together means acknowledging that parallel existence is just that, parallel; perhaps intertwined and mutually beneficial, perhaps codependent, yet separate evermore. It is a lovely sentiment: growing old together. I heard it glamorized as a coveted experience when I was younger, before I got married. Does anyone actually know what that means though? Let’sContinue reading “Back Worts and Chin Hairs”
Why would I take you there?
If you’ve never been to the dark places, why would I take you there? You. The epitome of light and airy. The epitome of good ole American boy. Why would you want to go there? Aren’t you afraid? Aren’t you repulsed by it? If I had the option to stay in the light, I thinkContinue reading “Why would I take you there?”
Abundance.
Abundance. Love overflowing. Why settle for limitations when it comes to something so important as love? Love toward others and inwards, self-love. Why is it so natural to look outward and think rather than feel? It seems that our society and human experience in our time so strongly values acting in ways that make ‘logicalContinue reading “Abundance.”
What is love?
(baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more) What an iconic lyric. How can anyone who has heard this song query what loving someone actually feels like without being afraid that it’s going to hurt? Wondering what the shifting from foot to foot is about when you feel the stare of someone who wantsContinue reading “What is love?”
Dick.
Why is compassion such a dick? I know that might be an unpopular opinion, but seriously, compassion can be a ginormous dick. A dick in the way that girl who isn’t really in the group but sometimes makes it out for margaritas can be a dick. When your work bestie is venting about her man andContinue reading “Dick.”
I cheated on myself with my husband.
I cheated on myself with my husband. I neglected me by being so worried that I might neglect him. In my fear to not come across as selfish and needy, I neglected my needs altogether. I chose him. I assumed I would always be there. I assumed my identity was my own, inevitably. Maybe it’sContinue reading “I cheated on myself with my husband.”
Bored to Death 